the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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