the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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