i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
