i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
