Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
