i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she peed on how many people?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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