Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
