I accidentally had phone sex last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
