Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
