Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize