Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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