My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I believe in your delicious
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
