Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize