Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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