you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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