And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
