Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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