I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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