if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
