ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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