I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
