i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
