In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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