thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
