Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
