can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
