so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
