is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
