Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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