I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize