We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
