its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
