i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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