i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
