u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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