I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize