It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
