Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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