Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
