i jhust puked up my retainher.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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