Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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