Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Welp...herpes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
