Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
