I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
