Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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