I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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