well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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