I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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