Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
