when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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