Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
