The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
