also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
