I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
