i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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