i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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