Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
