Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
