Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
