If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
