I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
