Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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